COPING WITH MISCARRIAGE: EMOTIONAL SUPPORT AND SELF CARE
We all know and are told that nearly 10 % of all pregnancies miscarry. For a couple who is eagerly looking forward to this planned pregnancy, a loss of a pregnancy even if in the first trimester, is difficult to accept. They undergo a series of emotions ranging from disbelief, anger, guilt, blaming to intense grief.
Is it only women who undergo emotional turmoil after miscarriage?
Men, too, suffer intensely but quietly. They operate at a different level. They do not speak or share their feelings with their partner and family. They suffer silently. They feel helpless as they are unable to help their partner with words or actions.
This loss is theirs too. Women need to understand their pain and silently hold their partners hand and comfort him. Stop criticizing them or ignoring them.
To prevent any misunderstanding in marital relationships, men should show how much they care and to open up and share their feelings. They can watch the other children, do the dishes, or take their partner out for a special dinner. These small acts will be noticed by your partner.
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How to deal with these emotional upheavals?
First of all, it is important to understand that these feelings are normal. Some women are hit harder than others and some put up a very brave front. If you wish to cry, then do so. If you wish to talk in detail with your doctor, then do so.
Allow yourself time to experience and overcome your grief at your own pace.
Talking with other woman who have undergone similar condition, helps you find courage and gives you hope. Join support groups and if needed, take the help of a psychologist.
It is important to get back to your work and to do things that give you joy.
Finding a cause of Miscarriage
Many couples go over the event again and again trying to find a cause for the miscarriage. The commonest cause of miscarriage in the first three months is chromosomal defects in the fetus and you could have done nothing to prevent it.
Sit down with your doctor and discuss all the causes and she will help individualize it for you. She may conduct some blood tests but in only 35% of cases, is a cause identified.
Remove all guilt and remember, walking, dancing, sex, exercise is not known to increase risk of miscarriage.
When can the next pregnancy be planned?
Once recovered from the acute trauma of miscarriage, the first question a couple asks is when can they plan again. They are eager to conceive again yet fearful about the outcome.
They are allowed to start trying again after one menstrual cycle if they are mentally ready. In cases of repeated losses, only after completing all investigations, will a go ahead be given.
It is good to see your doctor before you start planning to conceive. Your general health will be reviewed and optimized and you may be started on folic acid and some other medications as needed.
It is important to understand that the outcome of next pregnancy is good and just with optimism and positive attitude, most women continue to have a normal p